The conversation goes something like this –

Child – “I just wish I was White.  I hate my eyes and I’ll never be as pretty as those other girls.”

Parent – “Sweetie, that’s not true.  Listen, you want to trade?  Your hair is gorgeous.  I would rather look like you than me, any day!”

In our effort to comfort, and our despair that our daughter wants to look like us, but can’t, we end up downgrading ourselves in order to lift her up.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t really help, and it doesn’t change her views.  What it does suggest, though, is that you hate how you look just like she does.  We want to illustrate that we’re not perfect, but that we love and accept ourselves anyway look what i found.

The non-envy conversation goes something like this –

Child – “I just wish I was White.  I hate my eyes and I’ll never be as pretty as those other girls.”

Parent – “I know, and even though I think you’re beautiful, I know that you don’t see things that way.”